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The 4 Things In Your Home To Get Rid Of Now
It will make things so much easier for your family.
Cara Wang
Weeks after my mother passed away, I was finally ready to return to her home and start the process of sorting out her belongings. I knew being in her house would make me emotional. For starters, my mom died of complications from a stroke. That morning when she awoke, she had gone about her normal routine, no idea that later that day she would be taken to the hospital. So, her house looked exactly as it always looked when I visited except she was no longer there.
My mom lived in a condo. She and my dad had moved there together a decade prior and she had lived there alone for three years after he died. Since this wasn’t my childhood home, I wasn’t attached to it. But I was genuinely surprised by the overwhelming amount of stuff she had.
They had gotten rid of a lot — or at least I thought they did when they had downsized. Yet still there was so much to go through. Mundane things like coffee mugs, linens and old magazines and more meaningful things like essential documents and sentimental photos.
The sheer volume was overwhelming. Six months later, my brothers, aunt and I have made progress but still there is much to do. It’s not just about getting the house cleaned out and ready for sale. We are also trying to ensure we have everything tangible that we need to preserve our memories of our Mom and Dad. The process has made me realize that I need to make this easier for my family if something were to happen to me. With that in mind, I’ve started getting rid of the following:
The Unnecessary Papers
When my mom was alive, I asked her about all the papers stacked on shelves in her garage. I even tried to look at them a few times, but when I did, she got agitated and asked me not to touch them, as these were essential documents she needed.
As it turns out, the boxes were old, primarily tax returns, receipts and cancelled checks, many from the 70s, 80s and 90s. In other words, most of it she could have been tossed out long ago.
“Looking for the papers you actually need can be the proverbial needle in a haystack,” explains Amanda Wiss, founder of Urban Clarity, a New York City-based home organization company. “It can be debilitating searching through mostly trash to find documents like wills and insurance policies. The first thing I do when we enter a house we are organizing is start with the paperwork.”
In addition to organizing all of our essential estate papers so our kids can easily find them, I also want to make sure that I don’t mix sentimental, meaningful papers in with the clutter. For example, there is no need to save every birthday card, and having just a few special ones for the kids to find will mean more to them.
Photos No One Needs
My mom loved photos, and I do too, but again, the sheer volume has made it hard to find the ones I really wanted to see.
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“No one sorts through a family member's photos looking for pictures of the Eiffel Tower with no people in them,” says Wiss. “Better to get rid of the scenic pictures, the double prints and anything else that is no longer meaningful to you or the next generation.”
Clothes I Haven’t Worn
The number of clothes my mother had in her home was, in itself, daunting. We have been able to donate some of the clothes, shoes and books in good condition, which is therapeutic.
But some of her belongings are too worn or old to be given away. Having to throw away things that once belonged to her feels cruel, and it makes me feel guilty, like I am tossing away pieces of her. I don’t want that feeling for my husband or kids.
“A yearly purge is an ideal way to help yourself get organized and help your family in the future should something happen to you,” says Wiss. “It can also be nice to give valuable or special items that you don’t use (such as handbags, coats, jewelry) to your family members now so that you can see them enjoy these pieces. This generation is very into vintage and resale items, and by giving the pieces away now, you can also make sure they know any stories behind them.”
Too Personal items
While cleaning out my mother’s house, I stumbled upon a journal. In retrospect, maybe reading it was an invasion of her privacy. But in that moment, I felt like maybe I would gain some insight or comfort in “hearing” her voice. So I admit that I read her journal.
Instead of comfort, I felt intense sadness. The reality is, I knew my mom was depressed for much of her adult life. We had talked about it, and she tried medications and therapy. But seeing her inner thoughts written in her own handwriting was very upsetting.
As a journaler myself, I know it is often therapeutic to write down thoughts during difficult times to process feelings. Many times, after journaling, I feel better, but I may not put pen to paper to express those new, more upbeat emotions. After discovering my mother’s journal, I realized I don’t want my husband and kids to find my journal after I pass so it’s time to get rid of it.
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