The Real Key To Enjoying Mind-Blowing Sex

A taboo whisper from my partner’s lips is all I need to put me in the mood. But watching a sex scene on the big screen? No, thank you. It does absolutely nothing for me. This is not a coincidence, nor is it a minute detail. This is my natural, nervous system response to different stimuli. It doesn’t matter what I want to turn me on — my body is already naturally programmed to respond differently to different sensory experiences. I may be a visual learner in the classroom, but in the bedroom, it is all about the audio.

Natassia Miller, resident AASECT Certified Sexologist at DatingAdvice.com, highlights the “connection between arousal and your nervous system. When you feed it the cue it’s primed to respond to, everything gets easier: arousal builds faster, you stay present longer and pleasure feels less like effort and more like momentum.” Many of us have an idea as to what makes us tick, but “not everyone has identified their particular preference.”

The good news? It’s never too late to give your sex life an upgrade. If you want to tap into your nervous system’s pathway to pleasure, keep reading for the expert tips that will leave you both satisfied and yearning for more.

Discover Your Dominant Cue

Many of us will be turned on by both sound and sight (to some degree), but focus on determining which is more dominant for you. Start a (sexual) journal and pay attention to those moments when you are most turned on. Aleece Fosnight (MSPAS, PA-C, CSC, CSE, MSCP, IF, HAES) suggests that the answers have already revealed themselves. “Do you tend to notice what you see (visual: partner’s body, erotic imagery, how the scene looks) or what you hear (auditory: tone of voice, dirty talk, erotic audio, music)?” Take a walk down memory lane and revisit the orgasms that left you most breathless. What was it that contributed to the pleasure? A glimpse of your partner from a distance? The sounds of hastened breathing and moans of pleasure? Your body won’t lie to you, Girlfriends, so tune in and pay attention to your physical responses.

Communicate and Experiment

Open the lines of communication with your partner and let him know what turns you on. Build your sexual experience around your preference. “If you lean more auditory, focus on building an atmosphere with voice and breath. Ask your partner to describe what they want to do or what they love about what’s happening,” says Miller. Listen to music or erotic audio stories to build the tension. “Starting with sound before moving to touch can be a powerful way to set the mood.” And, of course, if you remove one sense, the others become heightened, so experiment with “closing [your] eyes or slipping on a soft blindfold.”