Want A More Peaceful Life? Then Do This

“Let’s be kind to one another. We’re just wicked people living among wicked people. Only one thing can give us peace, and that’s a pact of mutual leniency.” — Seneca

The Stoics believe that every act of evil and wrongdoing is simply the result of ignorance, or as Seneca wrote, the result of a person “deprived of truth and philosophy.” Stoics believe that choosing forgiveness is always the most virtuous thing to do. Holding on to anger, which is the response many of us have to wrongdoing, only allows the other person to continue hurting you. Seneca makes a clever comparison “would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or bite a dog?” Of course, not, because we know dogs don’t really know any better. So, why not offer humans the same grace?

Memento Mori: Remember That You Must Die

“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” — Seneca 

Imagine a life in which you truly lived every single moment as if it were your last one. True stoics master this discipline. They believe that death is not something to be feared. Rather, it something to be expected, accepted and faced every day. In other words, they live like they were dying. As a matter of fact, they believe that facing mortality provides us with very helpful information about how we are living. Marcus Aurelius suggests you ask yourself this: “Am I afraid of death because I won’t be able to do this anymore?” If the answer to this question is no, well, then, you are not living your best life. Perhaps you are afraid of death because there is so much left you have yet to do. In that case, don’t delay. Start checking those items off your list. Get everything you possibly can out of every moment and don’t assume tomorrow (or next year) is promised. Because it isn’t, girlfriends.

Remember That Your Loved Ones Must Die, Too

“If you are kissing your child or wife, say that it is a human being [a mortal] whom you are kissing, for thus when they die, you will not be disturbed.” — Epictetus

While we are on the topic of mortality, let’s tackle this bold Stoic idea. Epictetus suggests that we can prepare for the death of our loved ones by acknowledging the impermanence of their lives. This mindset minimizes the shock and grief that comes when they do pass. And it is indeed guaranteed, that they will pass. Stoics don’t claim that we can completely avoid the pain of grief, but with practice, we can build resilience through acceptance and detachment — not by loving less, but by loving more fully in the present moment  If you attach yourself to others as if they are “yours”  or here forever, well, that’s living a false reality. The true reality is that none of us will be here forever. This truth teaches us to take no one for granted and to love with gratitude.

Want to know more or practice these principles in your daily life? Pick up some literature like The Daily Stoic or The Beginner’s Guide to Stoicism: Tools for Emotional Resilience and Positivity. And remember, girlfriends, peace isn’t found in controlling the world around you, it is found in mastering the world within you.