Why I Paid Big Bucks To Join A Friendship Group

One completed application and credit card transaction later, I had about 60 new friends.

When you join a professional association, at the bare minimum you have a career in common. The same concept applies for mom groups and running clubs and religious meet-ups. But an all-encompassing female friendship “society” is a bit trickier. I realized this when the texts started popping up. I didn’t know these women, but on the screen, most of them seemed to be outgoing, neurotic-free and totally domesticated Brooklynites who ran hip small businesses and owned real estate. So, basically, the opposite of me.

Then I decided to elevate my Glitter Girls experience and attend an in-person event. In theory, a happy hour of snacks and a private lecture on women’s health seemed low-stress. But heading across town, my nervous system kicked into overdrive. What if nobody liked me? Did I have anything to share with them aside from insider celebrity gossip?

My already-fragile psyche shattered the moment I walked into the elegantly decorated space. These literally well-heeled women greeted each other like they were childhood besties. I was the self-conscious New Girl nervously devouring the grapes from the charcuterie board. Suddenly, I reverted to adolescent introvert mode — like I was at a Bar Mitzvah party circa 1990 and way too overcome with shyness to infiltrate a clique. Squeezing every last drop of adult courage, I joined a circle and introduced myself. My heart sank as two members realized with glee that they went to neighboring private high schools . . . and graduated the year I found my first gray hair. I sat for the lecture deflated and ducked out early to avoid awkward goodbyes.

The gawky girl in me wanted to call my mom in tears and tell her that I was quitting, money be damned. But as grownup, I took a breath and worked it out myself. I rationalized that if this former wallflower could successfully break the ice with a taciturn movie star then I could make headway with the Glitter Girls too. And not only had I changed, so had the people I was trying to befriend. No junior-high mean girls, the members were warm and bubbly. I just wasn’t used to being thrust into such a fish-out-of-water environment. Maybe I put up emotional barriers as an instinct. Maybe I shouldn’t have clutched my phone like an emotional support animal and checked my email so much. Maybe I should have been more myself.

A few weeks later, I pushed myself to go to a different event. At least I wasn’t New Girl anymore. Some women remembered me and even asked me questions outside of my career. Progress! When I overheard two women bemoaning their shoulder pains, I jumped in with some practical advice and received a physician recommendation in the process. She messaged me the doctor’s name and phone number along with a heart emoji.

As I type this, I’m still not quite waving my poms-poms about my newfound sisterhood. But I also have zero regrets. At my age, it’s as good a time as any to expand my circle with people who don’t share my every demographic and personality trait. And if a friend asked me in a coffee shop how to shake things up, I’d offer the same advice. The best-case scenario is that you click with interesting and aspirational women, open yourself up to networking opportunities and receive an array of helpful texts. At worst? You have a good story.

Would any of you pay to join a professional friend group? Let us know in the comments below.