My Unbucket List — 6 Things I’ll Never Do Again

Sure, there were deals to be had. There were also bright fluorescent lighting, grumpy crowds, and the sense that I was missing the whole point of the holiday season. Online ordering is easier, the deals are often just as good, and, best of all, I can do it from the comfort of my own bed.

Engaging in comment sections

I used to think the comment sections of newspapers and magazines were intended for polite, intelligent discourse. And maybe they were, once. But I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes not engaging is the best thing I can do for my own well-being. Sure, there are exceptions, and I might share some feedback or insight on a topic that I feel reasonably well-informed about if I think the conversation is happening in good faith.

I have learned that no matter how strongly I believe in something, I’m not likely to change the mind of someone who believes equally strongly about something else. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s national politics or what local trash collection service is the best. Now I read the article, or the post, and move on. My time is better spent doing something else — literally anything else — and having an opinion doesn’t mean I need to share it.

Baking birthday cakes

For years, I was the baker. A friend or coworker was having a birthday? Of course I’d bake the cake! Until the year I baked a cake called Death by Chocolate that included layers of chocolate cake, chocolate mousse, chocolate ganache, and a layer of fresh raspberry coulis. The raspberries, which weren’t in season, nearly broke my wallet. And the cake, with its multiple components and layers, nearly broke my spirit. It took three days to bake and assemble. And when I released the clear plastic collar that was holding it all together, the cake collapsed on my kitchen counter like a chocolate and raspberry-covered murder victim. Somewhere around 3 a.m., I crawled into bed after Frankensteining it back together and swore, “Never again.”

Now I’ve lowered the standard in a very deliberate way. I still like baking, I just don’t want to bake the show-stopping birthday cakes anymore. Now, my favorite birthday cakes come from Publix and I’d rather watch the Great British Baking Show than be a contestant.

Dyeing my own hair

I started changing my hair color when I was 15 and bought my first box of Sun-In. Over the years, I have been every shade of red and have the stained towels to show for it. (Not to mention the stained walls, floors, and — twice — ceiling.) But in my late thirties, I started noticing that my roots weren’t exactly the light brown I remembered. They were getting lighter and grayer and the box hair dye wasn’t cutting it. I would end up with the perfect shade of dark auburn on my long hair — and hot-pink roots.

I finally gave up on home-dyeing and let a professional colorist transform me into the redhead I wanted to be. Yes, it’s quite a bit more expensive than a box of L'Oreal hair dye. During the pandemic, I let my natural gray grow out and thought I’d never go back. I was wrong. I’m a redhead in my heart, if not on my head, and a good colorist is worth her weight in gold.

Saying “yes” because someone asked me nicely

I like helping people and I give my time when I can. But sometimes a one-time favor becomes an ongoing expectation, or someone else’s problem somehow ends up on my plate. The requests are never demanding — they usually arrived wrapped in kindness, a compliment, or the assumption that of course I’ll say yes. But somewhere along the way, it started to feel obligatory. So I’ve gotten more comfortable with “no.” I still have a tendency to soften it with an explanation, but I’ve learned that being asked nicely doesn’t automatically mean I need to say yes. Sometimes the most honest answer is simply that I don’t have the time, energy, or bandwidth, and that’s reason enough.

This one took the longest to move to my “unbucket” list and, I admit, I still say yes more than is probably good for me — but I’m working on it.

What’s on your “unbucket” list? Let us know in the comments below.