Fitness
What I Stopped Doing After Age 40
And why I don't miss these things at all.
LA Johnson
There comes a point — usually somewhere after 40, give or take a few birthdays — when you quietly stop doing certain things. Not because you made a New Year's resolution.
Not because you read a self-help book. Mostly because you're sick and tired. Sick and tired of doing things that no longer serve you, such as explaining yourself or expending precious energy on things that don't deserve it. The funny thing is you rarely notice these habits disappearing until one day you realize: Huh. I haven't apologized for existing in weeks. It's glorious.
Here are a few things many women happily leave behind after 40.
Saying "I'm sorry" when I mean "Excuse me"
Many younger women apologize for asking questions. For taking up space in the grocery aisle. For speaking up in meetings. For existing within a five-foot radius of another human. After 40?
“If I bump into your shopping cart because you stopped in the middle of the aisle, I'm not issuing a formal apology and offering reparations,” says Brenda, a self-admitted former apologizer extraordinaire. There's a difference between being kind and being unnecessarily apologetic. It takes some women decades to get it, but once they do, it’s very freeing.
Explaining what I'm eating
"I'm not on keto"; "Yes, I'm having dessert"; "No, I don't feel guilty about it".
After 40?
“At some point, I stopped treating every meal like it required a press conference,” says Natalie. “Some days it's a salad because I genuinely want one. Other days it's fries because they're fries.” Both are valid.
“My mom was thin her whole life, always passing up dessert, and analyzing everything she put in her mouth,” she says. “Then she got dementia and 'forgot' that she questioned the validity of every morsel she ate. She gained some weight, but who cares?” says Natalie. “It took her well into her 80s with memory loss to stop justifying her food choices; I’m not doing that.”
Pretending to like things because everyone else does
The trendy restaurant with overpriced everything. The prestige TV show everyone swears is "slow but worth it." High heels. Camping.
After 40?
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“If something isn't for me anymore, I simply ... don't do it,” says Beth, a former joiner. “There are books I read to the end when I should have put them down a quarter way through just because everyone else said they were great. I can’t tell you how many movies or streaming shows I should have thrown the towel in on for the same reason.
"You can’t get that time back,” she says. “It’s funny when you’re younger, you more easily go with the flow, thinking, well, everyone says this fill-in-the-blank is decent; it must just be me. After 40, you realize there isn’t enough time to pretend you like the show, restaurant, book, or sleeping in a tent on the ground anymore.”
Keeping clothes that make me feel bad
The bathing suit that’s two sizes too small. Lingerie from a decade ago. Skinny jeans you’re going to get back into someday.
After 40?
“If I have to suck in my stomach and lie on the bed to zip my pants, the pants have lost the privilege of living in my closet,” says Marylynn. “I’ve stopped storing an entire wardrobe for a version of myself that may or may not reappear someday.”
Keeping a sentimental clothing item or two like the dress you wore on the first date with your husband or a sweater your mother knitted, sure, but closets should contain clothes that fit your body — not your memories. "If you’re past 40-ish and haven’t weeded out all the clothes you’re holding onto for someday, it is well past time,” she says.
Going to an event I don't want to attend
Not every birthday dinner. Not every committee meeting. Not every "We should all get together" gathering that requires three weeks of scheduling and leaves everyone exhausted.
After 40?
"I've discovered that 'I can't make it'; is a complete sentence,” says Lisa. “So is the word ‘no’ and ‘no thanks'." "Some younger version of me used to offer elaborate explanations when I couldn’t attend some event about being out of town that weekend or having to take my mother shopping for a new sofa. Likewise, with being asked to be on boards and committees and PTA and volunteer groups."
No longer. With age comes a little bit stronger of a backbone and less worrying about what others will say when you can’t make the party, volunteer on Saturday, or attend the meeting. Better yet, learn to leave it at ‘no thanks’ or ‘I can’t make it.’ No apology necessary.
Arguing on the Internet
Commenting on everything you disagree with. Monitoring every social media platform for stray political comments you don’t like or for distant family members who irk you. The need to change anyone else’s mind — ever.
After 40?
“This may be the greatest gift of middle age,” says Deeana. “There was a time when I believed if I just found the right statistic, the perfect wording or one more link, a stranger would suddenly say, 'You're right. Thank you for changing my worldview.'
“That has happened approximately never,” she says. "Now it’s too easy to scroll on. I don’t need to be that person anymore, and I really don’t care that much for people who still insist that’s a better way."
Worrying if everyone likes me
Do they talk about me behind my back? Do they secretly think my bathroom floor is filthy or my potato salad is really that good? Do I only get asked to workplace happy hour because I’ve been here the longest?
After 40?
This one may take some time; it is human nature to want to be liked and accepted, after all.
“I still want to be thoughtful. I still care about people, but I no longer need unanimous approval,” says Jessie. "You accept it more that you won’t click with everyone, some people will misunderstand you, some people just won’t like you, and it’s likely not about your bathroom floor or your seven-layer cake. Honestly, it’s usually something dumb like you have the nicest lawn, the smartest kid in the bunch, or you have a penchant for saying ‘like’ at the beginning of a sentence.”
Life is too short to care.
Waiting for a "special occasion"
The good candles get lit. The nice dishes come out. The expensive lotion/perfume gets used, and the wine you were saving gets drunk.
After 40?
Life has already supplied the special occasion: we're here. We’re more at home as ourselves now. Quit waiting for a special time, a big night, a main event, and wear, use and be all the things you were saving for the right occasion. The occasion is us and the beautiful dishes, fancy candles, and good wine we have collected? Use it now, use it before you run out of time waiting for a special occasion that never comes.
What do you think of the above? Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below.
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