Fitness
How To Spice Up Your Relationship Without Sex
These four things really do help.
AARP (Getty Images, 2)
After 42 years with my husband, I’m often asked by younger friends, “What’s your secret for a lasting relationship?” Early on, physical intimacy played a big role in our happiness, but over time we’ve found that our deepest connection comes from habits and actions that go far beyond sex.
According to research by Utah State University, the divorce rate among adults 50 and older has doubled since 1990. Why? Relationships can grow stagnant if boredom and complacency set in. Many couples forget how to communicate or nurture emotional intimacy. They take each other for granted instead of prioritizing gratitude. This can be the death knell to any relationship. But there are ways to salvage an at-risk partnership.
Simple, intentional efforts — like sharing deep communication, expressing appreciation, trying new things together, and showing daily affection (hugging, kissing, or just cuddling) — can breathe new life into a relationship at any stage.
After our 20th wedding anniversary, my husband and I hit a lull. Juggling work and raising kids, we neglected our relationship. Arguments grew more frequent, and we didn’t bounce back as easily, leading to quiet resentment. The small acts of gratitude that once defined our marriage slowly disappeared. We drifted on autopilot for years — until my father passed away unexpectedly. Watching my mother’s grief and loneliness was a wake-up call. My husband and I realized we needed to nurture our bond, and we vowed to do better.
It hasn’t always been easy, but with professional guidance and a lot of mutual effort, we rebuilt our connection. Even learning to laugh off small irritations has helped us stay close. And there are plenty of other simple, expert-backed ways to keep a relationship strong that have nothing to do with sex.
1. Do something together regularly that you enjoy
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Dr. Stephen J. Betcher, writes in "Psychology Today" that when partners share similar interests, life for them is smoother. "Better yet, if they share a passion for the same interests, it can bond them for years. Hobbies such as gardening, taking cooking classes, joining a gym together, or playing competitive sports such as pickleball or bowling help couples feel emotionally closer." My husband recently dusted off his old chess set and has been teaching me to play. I'm not very good at it (yet), but we're having fun together and look forward to our weekend chess challenges. Flexibility and trying new activities together creates renewed interest and a deeper appreciation for each other.
2. Make daily acts of kindness and gratitude a habit
Appreciation really does make the heart grow fonder, according to UGAResearch. Allen W. Barton, a researcher at the University of Georgia, found in his 2015 study that when one spouse expresses gratitude, the other feels appreciated — and that appreciation leads to greater commitment and satisfaction, even in tough times. Small gestures, like tackling your partner’s least favorite chore, help them feel seen and valued. Even the tiniest acts of gratitude add up, strengthening emotional ties and shielding your marriage from resentment or outside stress.
3. Share goals and dreams
Early in our marriage, my husband and I dreamed of buying a small RV and exploring the country once our kids left home. That shared vision pulled us together during hard times and gave us something to look forward to. Planning our first road trip — budgeting, mapping routes, and imagining the adventures — made us feel like a team. When we finally hit the road, we knew it was worth the struggle to get there. Shared goals can be anything: saving for a house, starting a business, paying off debt, or planning for retirement. Pursuing a common goal gives your relationship purpose while making the commitment a priority. It’s also an emotional investment that builds mutual support and confidence in the relationship’s permanence.
4. Start meaningful conversations with games
Honest, judgment-free communication is an essential part of any healthy relationship. Many counselors recommend scheduling regular talks in a safe environment to share feelings, but there are also fun, low-pressure ways to connect. Around our dinner table, my family played “High and Low,” where everyone shared the best and worst part of their day. This simple ritual led to years of deep family conversations, and I’ve continued it with my husband. We also play question-based games — from “What’s your favorite dessert?” to “What’s the best (and worst) trait you inherited from your parents?” — that reveal new things about each other, even after decades together.
There are plenty of card, board, and video games designed to spark meaningful conversations between couples. Classics like Would You Rather, Truth or Dare, and Table Topics make great conversation starters. My husband and I love the card game Tales for its thought-provoking prompts. Even after 42 years, we’re still discovering new stories about each other! Online lists, like the ones at Prevention, offer even more questions to explore memories, priorities, and future dreams. The key is to keep it light and judgment-free —and remember, every answer deserves respect.
Ultimately, while sex and attraction matter, the real foundation of a lasting relationship is gratitude, honest communication, shared passions, and common goals. When those things align, you can survive whatever curveballs life throws—as long as you face them together.
Do you do any of the above with your partner? Let us know in the comments below.
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