Fitness
My Daughter Heard Me Having Sex
Here's what she had to say about it.
Sunny Eckerle
It was my fault.
See, I live in a small house. All three bedrooms are within several feet of each other, which doesn’t exactly set the scene for uninhibited sexy times. So, the first couple of times I had sex with my boyfriend of 10 months, we rented a hotel room. Then we chose nights when my 16-year-old, “Sarah,” wasn’t home.
But she’s home most of the time, I’m a solo parent and “Michael” also lives with one of his kids. Our workaround was to wait until late at night and then get after it … quietly.
Just not quietly enough.
I didn’t find out that she had heard us expressing our love for each other in a physical way until a few days later. Sarah’s been dating a boy for the same amount of time I’ve been going out with Michael. She and I have talked about sex, consent, birth control and the importance of “going slow.” I don’t think she’s having sex (yet) but I’m sure at some point she will. That’s a worry for another time.
“Hey, if Michael and I get married one day, maybe we’ll have sex too,” I said, joking.
A look crossed her face, somewhere between disappointment and disgust. “Mom, I heard you.”
“Heard me what?”
“I heard you guys. Having sex.”
I stood there for a moment, speechless. “Wait. Who did you hear?” Yes, I was ready to throw Michael under that proverbial bus. “Because … Michael — well, he’s an enthusiastic person.”
Her look grew even more disgusted. “I heard both of you.”
Oh, no.
“Well, I’m an enthusiastic person, too.”
She glared at me, and I scrambled.
“Look, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize! What night was this, anyway?”
“A week ago. Friday.”
I cast my mind back and remembered that night. We were in that I-can’t-wait-to-get-you-home state of our relationship. Michael and I had a great night out and came home feeling, well, amorous.
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And it was late! Late for us, anyway. It was after 11 p.m., and I stood outside her closed door and even gently rapped to see if she’d answer. I peeked in and saw she was asleep. Or so I thought.
“Oh.”
“Yeah! It was disgusting.”
“Like I said, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I really did think you were asleep. I didn’t realize. Oh. My. God. I don’t know, honey. I don’t know … How about if I buy you a car?” I collapsed on her bed, wondering how long she’d have this memory, how much therapy she would need as a result and how quickly I had offered her a car as a way to make it up to her. (I had been considering buying a second car so she’d have something to drive to school and work, and I knew she now had the upper hand in that discussion.)
I waited until I saw Michael a few days later to share the news.
“So, Sarah heard us. Having sex. Last Friday night.”
I watched his face as he tried to recall, and then did, that particular night. “Ooooh. We were kind of rowdy that night.”
“I know.” We both started laughing, and I was torn between embarrassment and something like pride in the fact that I’m in love with a man who is smart, funny and kind, who also makes me feel good — really, really good.
Our sexual connection is amazing. I’m thrilled, and grateful, to be having some of the best sex of my life at 60 (!). Sixty! How awesome is that?
And I really don’t want my daughter to hear it or even think about it.
Michael and I have joked before about being “cock-blocked” (or in this case, “teen-blocked”) by my kids. One Saturday morning, we drank coffee on my porch, watched my daughter drive off to her job and then scampered to my bedroom … to be surprised by my 20-year-old popping home unexpectedly from college five minutes later. “Do they like text each other to make sure we’re never actually alone?” I wondered aloud as we quickly got redressed and went to chat with my son.
“We can never have sex again!” I told Michael later, laughing, but I quickly amended that to, “we can never have sex again when my kid(s) is/are home.” But a few nights later, we were giggling, kissing and talking in bed, and I amended that to, “we can only have sex again when my kids are home if we’re really, really quiet.”
Hey, there are worse things to have happen. I walked in on my parents having sex when I was a teen (“Shut the door!” my mom yelled), and I survived that. I try to maintain open communication with my kids about even the challenging topics, including sex, and am (hopefully) modeling a loving, supportive partnership between two busy single parents that, yes, includes sex. They see how Michael shows up for me, that we make each other happy, and that we truly care about each other. Isn’t that the most important thing?
Besides, this is only a temporary problem. In two and a half years, my daughter will (hopefully) be away at college and my son will (hopefully) have a full-time job and I’ll have the house to myself. I’ll have the freedom, and the space, and the quiet, to get loud.
As for my daughter and me? I apologized to her again for accidentally traumatizing her and made her a promise I can keep — I didn’t promise to never have sex again, and I didn’t even promise not to have sex again when she’s home — but I did promise her that she won’t ever hear me (or us) again.
In the meantime, she loves her new car.
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