Fitness
What I've Learned Interviewing Famous Women 50+
Their comments about aging have really stuck with me.
AARP (Javier Rojas/PI/ZUMA Press Wire/Shutterstock; Matt Baron/BEI/Shutterstock; Arnold Jerocki/Getty Images for L'Oréal Paris)
I once had lunch with Robert Redford and Sissy Spacek. I know. I met them at a restaurant inside a boutique hotel on the Upper East Side that blended right in with the rest of the neighboring townhouses. The entire space was cleared out, so the wait staff treated us like we were first-class passengers on the Titanic pre-iceberg. Redford was early and ordered an off-menu chicken salad sandwich. Spacek whisked in a few minutes later and requested a chamomile tea with a side of honey.
The lunch wasn’t social. The two were co-starring in a movie, and this interview would be featured on the cover of a popular magazine. I asked about their childhoods, professional highlights and their new project; the stars — who had surely told these same anecdotes for years — were polite albeit polished in their replies. Then I posed a question that was barely a consideration during the first two acts of their careers: How do they really feel about being old?
Redford, in his 80s, lamented that Hollywood puts too much emphasis on youth. But Spacek, 13 years his junior, got personal and noted that she and her husband Jack had just attended a Bette Davis retrospective. “After, Jack said to me, ‘Oh my God it was so sad to watch her age like that'," she recalled. “I said ‘Sad? she’s so lucky — she’s got proof that she was once young!'" She ended her thought with the poignant kicker, “You can age and be beautiful.”
Eight years later, their movie has faded from my memory. But her answer still sticks with me.
Even though I like to joke that I permanently identify as 34, I’m more unsettled by aging than I care to admit. It’s not just the squinting at dinner menus in restaurants or the involuntary groan every time I get out of a car. I also can’t shake the feeling that my most vibrant, confident and happiest days are already behind me. I never did have a dramatic midlife crisis, but the existential dread? That’s real.
None of the above is a secret to any of my fellow Gen-X friends. I live for griping about the emotional and physical perils of getting older. The issue is that they can’t offer magical solutions because, well, they’re going through it too. And nobody born after Live Aid can truly relate. So I’ve started to turn to a certain group of women who have already crossed the age 50 threshold and have continued to thrive under pressure-packed circumstances: Celebrities. Much to my great relief, they have not disappointed.
Keep in mind that I go into every interview fully aware of the transactional job at hand. Famous people give me their time because they want to promote their projects, and I’m paid to ask why they were drawn to the role. More than fine by me. But women of a certain age have accumulated something even more valuable than career credits and awards — perspective. And you better believe they have a lot to say about resilience, gratitude, relationships, purpose, identity, success and time. After my conversation with the "Coal Miner’s Daughter" herself, I realized I wasn’t just asking these questions for the story; I was asking for myself.
Sure, it’s easy to dismiss these icons because the road to their future is seemingly paved with gold. But wealth and a VIP lifestyle don’t preclude them from having the same aging agita as the rest of us. If anything, working in an industry where youth is revered only heightens the pressure — and is more of a reason to admire their triumphs and pay attention to their words.
Here’s a collection of my favorite takeaways.
You Don’t Need to Please Everyone
“Clearness is kindness. I used to try to not hurt someone’s feelings. But there is a way to be straightforward. And when you stop pretending and tell the truth, kindness is implied. I spent some of my life pretending that I wanted everyone to be happy. But that’s not serving anybody. Remember that you don’t need to pretend — be exactly who you are.” — Hoda Kotb, 61
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“The reason I’ve had compassion for others is because I’ve learned to have compassion for myself. I am a full human being, and my worth does not depend on being married. Why is our world still so steeped in these old school ideas that have nothing to do with the humanity of who we are and what our souls want to express, who we want to be in the world and how we want to connect and receive love?” — Tracee Ellis Ross, 53
Getting Older Is a Privilege, Not a Punishment
“I’m not a delusional optimist. But yeah, I’m so grateful. I’m a f**king lucky person. I need to be positive about the future because here we are. I’m super grateful to be turning 60 because I know how privileged I am. Lucky me. I get to be alive." — Kyra Sedgwick, 60
Forget About What Other People Think
“My relationship to myself keeps getting better because I give myself a break and accept who I am and know who I am. That’s a wonderful thing that comes with age. I just don’t care about what people think. Well, I do to some degree — but I'm getting better at letting things go. Just forget it, forget it. And that feels good.” — Allison Janney, 66
Don’t Wage a War Against Your Face
“I rarely look in the mirror at home. I'm not avoiding it; I just don't think of it. You know, I go to the bathroom, wash my hands. I look up and I go 'Oh, OK.' Then I go to work and the first thing I do is sit in a dressing room and look in a mirror — and I’m suddenly aware that most makeup is based on younger people’s faces. But I do have a naturally aging face, and I don’t mind looking my age.” — Catherine O’Hara (RIP)
. . . Don’t Wage a War Against Your Gray Hair, Either
“We’ve bought into the idea that men can age but women cannot. It’s the sad truth. And like every other woman, I was affected by that. It’s so sad because I was really worried about [going gray] and felt like I had to ask permission for people to accept me. A man would never have felt like that. It would actually look bizarre for a man to keep dyeing his hair. We could choose to maintain the facade that we are younger, but I just don’t want to do that anymore.” — Andie MacDowell, 68
It’s Not too Late to Create Your Own Opportunities
“You know, we still toss aside women of a certain age. And so there is this anxiety of like, ‘I have to hurry up and work as much as I can for as long as they will allow me.’ But that's why I've become a producer and director — I don't want to ask anybody for permission to hire me or to work. And so hopefully I'm extending some longevity to my career that is not based on my age or my looks or my gender.” — Eva Longoria, 51
Curiosity Deepens Over Time
“I’m always changing and looking for new things. I’m moments away from turning 80, so I want to know: What does that look like? What does that offer me? What will I have at 80 that I didn’t have at 50, 40, 30, 20 or 17? I’m always on a journey.” — Sally Field, 79
Remember That This Too Shall Pass
“I know that life always keeps moving. We’re in the summer, and it’s hot. I hate how hot it is. Just wait a little while and if you get a little breeze, you get to see the leaves change. And then you get sick of that, you get to put on your warm clothes and go sledding. Then you get to watch some beautiful flowers bloom. That’s life! Even if you love it, it’s going to change. If you hate it, it’s going to change. But you must move with the seasons” — Yvette Nicole Brown, 54
Slow Down and Redefine Success
“What’s a goal? A goal can be so elusive. So my goals have now moved into more personal and deeper aspirations. For the next chunk of time in my life, I don’t want my work schedule to be my priority. I want to slow down. I’m starved to see my friends. My sense of meaning has adjusted, and that’s what’s important to me now.” — Sandra Oh, 54
Resilience Can Trump Talent
“My dad always drilled it into me that we don’t quit in his family. If you don’t get something you want, then you’re not ready. So just get up and try again. You know, I’ve had a million jobs. My 20s were rough. I had long dry spells. I’d run out of money then go work at a book store. I could have quit a million times, but I refused to throw in the towel. I think there’s really something to be said for perseverance.” — Mariska Hargitay, 62
When In Doubt, Smile and Stay in the Moment
“Have fun. I was so serious when I had my music career in the 70s and 80s. I missed out on a lot of fun times. So all the kids I mentor now, I tell them to have fun. Write down everything you’re doing because it will fly by so fast that you won’t remember.” — Reba McEntire, 71
Which of the above actors do you admire? Let us know in the comments below.
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