Why I Finally Blocked My Ex After 15 Years

Don't talk to me. You are the cheapest moth#*fuc#@* I have ever met. Disgraceful.

Despite being divorced for 15 years, this text from my ex-husband still stung. My stomach dropped and I wondered if he was right: Am I cheap? A bad mother? Disgraceful?

He used to send texts like this quite frequently during our drawn-out divorce. His words would destroy my self-worth and I would fire back with whatever I could to make him feel the same pain he had made me feel. The chaos and toxicity between us was painful, shameful, and immature.

It was during those years that the angry version of me struggled to hide my resentment. I would resort to bad-mouthing my ex in front of our kids: "Nothing is ever good enough for your dad," I would say, or "ask your father — he sure isn't speaking very nicely to me these days.” I don't know why I did this or what I was seeking. Comfort? Validation? An ear for my frustrations? As soon as I insuIted my ex in front of our kids, though, I would regret it. I could see the pain in my children’s eyes and it didn’t take long for the guilt to sink in. It was an ugly cycle.

Once the papers were signed, we somehow found a way to get along. We learned to put the kids first and do what a family should do: celebrate birthdays together, take photos as a family at important events, and sometimes even vacation together. We operated like a traditional family and for well over a decade, we did it well.

For most of our time as co-parents, my ex-husband paid the majority of our children’s expenses. He made significantly more than I did and therefore covered sports’ fees, medical bills, and college tuition. I paid what I was ordered to (by our divorce decree), and I contributed more whenever I could. All seemed well, though, and we rarely fought about money (or anything else for that matter).

And then my ex lost his job. Facing financial insecurity for the first time, he suddenly decided it was all my fault. He could no longer be civil with me. Every interaction included some form of name-calling, shaming, or financial demands. It hurt me and filled me with anger. For years, I had worked so hard to maintain a cordial relationship with him for the sake of our kids, and I would have done anything to protect that. But now he couldn't so much as say hello. It wasn't about the kids anymore. It was about money. He demanded I add the kids to my health insurance, began sending receipts for expenses he had covered over the past decade, and continued tearing me down with words that stung just as much as they did in earlier years.