Fitness
The One Thing That Keeps My Marriage Alive
It's the key to a strong decades-long relationship.
AARP (Getty Images, 5)
At the summit of the hike, my husband and I enjoyed the fine dining of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich washed down with tap water. We sat overlooking the glorious northern woods of Minnesota with views all the way to Lake Superior. There were no piles of laundry spreading like a virus from underneath our college-aged son’s door, no leaning tower of sneakers by the back door, ready to tip at any moment. Instead of facetious deflections as one brother accused the other of hogging the bathroom, we listened to a soundtrack of Nashville warblers and red-eyed vireos.
With two young adult sons living at home for a season, the 48-hour getaway is the key for keeping our decades-old marriage alive.
The Beautiful Chaos of a Full-Again House
Don’t get me wrong. I love having my children at home. Both of our sons are in college, and I know our family time is waning. Soon they will graduate and begin careers that may take them to a different city. Our nights together in the living room yelling at the refs during the NBA playoffs or making dinner together in the kitchen will end.
Our sons feel so much more like adults now. We can discuss politics and religion, try a new beer together, and share the driving on lengthy road trips. One minute they make me laugh as they tease about my lack of pop culture knowledge. The next minute they surprise me with an unprovoked kind word or hug.
They truly are the best.
And yet, when we’re all together under one roof, my husband and I get little time together. From early mornings to get out the door to work to late nights cramming in summer activities, we’re lucky to squeeze in a quick walk with the dog or dinner out with friends a couple of times a month.
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The grocery bill is exorbitant, the laundry and dishes neverending. Our sons have improved immensely at helping around the house as they’ve gotten older, but with four adult bodies here, there’s just so much stuff at all times in all places.
That’s why my husband and I prioritize time away to reconnect.
Getaways Require Planning
The getaway begins with military-level planning precision. The calendar must be consulted as we settle on dates without work obligations or scheduled family activities. This also requires logistical maneuvering of vehicles to ensure transportation is available for all parties involved.
The destination must be selected, requiring geographical and financial planning. Because we have two sons in college, our travel budget right now is limited. On our most recent weekend trip, we selected a favorite hiking destination a few hours from home. It was far enough away to feel like we truly left our city life behind and close enough to make the drive feel worth it.
Once we’ve settled on a destination, it becomes an all-hands effort as we prepare to depart. My husband organizes our hiking gear, and I leave the fridge and freezer well stocked with my sons’ favorite foods: leftover chicken and pasta, oatmeal cups with protein powder, and ingredients for avocado toast.
Finally, I leave a note of detailed instructions taped to the microwave. Take care of each other and the dog. Contact the neighbors if you need anything. Mow the lawn if you get a chance. Clean up after yourselves.
Getaways Provide a Reset
As my husband and I begin the drive, talk is often focused on our sons. How are the summer jobs going? When is tuition due? Have they scheduled their fall classes yet?
Then we put on our favorite playlist, and the tone shifts. Time in the car for the two of us has always been time to dream. Since our early days of dating, roadtrips were filled with dense conversations about faith and life, stories about family, and plans for the future. On this particular trip, we fantasize about owning property on Lake Superior, coming for full weeks to explore our favorite destination. We brainstorm ideas for our upcoming 25th anniversary (Trip to Europe? Backyard party with friends and family?) and talk about house renovations we’d like to prioritize.
There is no magical transformation by the time we get up north. I’m still a mom, with a head full of Mom Thoughts. But after a few miles on a hiking trail with intermittent conversation, periods of silence, and so much laughter, my Mom Voice quiets. My sons are fine. Maybe they’re throwing a party, but probably they’re not. They can take care of themselves and each other, and it’s good to be here in a favorite place with my favorite person.
The next 48 hours are a blur of breathtaking scenery and reconnecting, an alfresco dinner of fresh fish and coffee on the deck with a view of Lake Superior, and hiking so many miles my hamstrings still ache. My husband and I haven’t solved all the world’s problems, but we held hands on the way to dinner, indulged on sticky-sweet pastries, witnessed a fog-drenched rainbow over the harbor, and argued about directions on hiking trails only three times.
When we returned home, the kitchen was nearly spotless, but the lawn wasn’t mowed. Of our two sons and the dog, we were missed by one-third. We again traded the sweetness of birdsong with the good-natured squabble of siblings and swapped the serenity of the northwoods with the chaotic family calendar. But with a subtle wink from my husband, I knew the magical 48-hour getaway had accomplished its goal.
Do you go on getaways with your partner? Let us know in the comments below.
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