The Powerful Erotic Tool You May Want To Try

Communicate with Your Partner

“Communication is everything,” which is no shock to us girlfriends. Plan a date night, feast on oysters or the aphrodisiac of your choice, and open the lines of communication. Start by getting the basics on the table. Before your first session, make sure you’re on the same page: are you going for “funny, erotic, romantic, dominant, or tender?” If you head into your first role-play without communication, it just may set you up for a less-than-ideal experience. “A lot of awkwardness happens when one person is imagining a sultry hotel fantasy and the other person shows up doing a pirate accent (though I wouldn’t say no to a sultry pirate),” Boyer says.

Feel free to take notes, make a plan, or decide to wing it altogether. The important thing is that you cover the basics and build a comfortable, safe space to explore something new. Use the time to discuss consent, which can be given or taken away at any moment. “Use a simple yes/no/maybe list, choose a safe word, or agree on a pause phrase like, ‘Can we reset?’ That gives both people freedom to explore while knowing they can stop or adjust at any point.”

Scale It to Your Comfort Level

You may find that you and your partner are at different comfort levels. “One may be excited; the other may feel silly, pressured, or unsure,” but that’s okay. It “does not mean the fantasy is wrong or the relationship is doomed,” Boyer says. “It just means you need to slow down and get curious.” Ask questions, listen and be creative in a way that allows you to meet in the middle. Rather than jumping straight into strangers at a bar or teacher and student, try texting in character throughout the day. Pretend you just swiped right and ask about his job and family (as if you don’t already know). Flirt dangerously with him like he’s the contractor coming to fix your kitchen floor. And if you feel silly, or he says something ridiculous, feel free to laugh out loud. Laughter belongs in the role-play arena, and it is “one of the most underrated signs of sexual safety.” Role-play doesn’t mean you “have to suddenly become an Oscar-winning actor in the bedroom,” and it doesn’t require “costumes, accents, or scripts.” The point is simply to permit yourselves “to step outside your usual dynamic and play with imagination, desire, and expression.”

Give It a Whirl

If you feel ready, go for a full improv scene. Adopt characters and see what happens. Boyer suggests starting simple by focusing on the feeling the role delivers rather than the specific details. Consider what turns you on most: “being desired, being pursued, being taken care of, being in charge, being surprised, being a little mysterious.” Once you’ve named the feeling, choose the dynamic. Strangers meeting at a hotel bar. Boss and employee. A massage therapist and client. Professor and student. The role itself matters less than the energy it lets you access.”

One way to dabble without the awkwardness of performing is to rely on narration instead of action. Have your partner tell you a story in which the two of you are the main characters. Tap into your imagination, listen with all your senses, and let your body receive and react to the story organically. Disconnect, let go, and let your body enjoy the ride.

There you have it, girlfriends. A beginner’s guide to role-play. So be bold, head to the nearest bar and order your favorite martini. When the stranger (who knows exactly how you take your coffee) asks if the seat next to you is taken, say, “it is now,” and see where the night leads you…