Why Women Are Quitting Thanksgiving

Jackie D., in Arizona, says her blended family is all over the place, and she rarely gets to host anymore. “I just go where I’m told and bring a salad.” She says no one seems married to the idea of turkey anymore, though. “We’ve had a Mexican feast, casseroles, steaks…” Ironically, she does miss the tradition. “Funny, but I’d give anything to be able to make the turkey and trimmings again.”

For some, though, the fuss was never something they bought into in the first place.

Sue P., from Pennsylvania, says, “To be honest, I was over the Thanksgiving fuss ever since I was a kid. I’ve always been useless in a kitchen (which my grandmother realized very early on and would kick me out). That’s when I would escape the huge family gathering of relatives I barely knew and go read or write or play with my dad’s Roy Rogers western village toy in a back bedroom. I just didn’t understand the fuss and stress.”

Now, she stays home, just her and her husband. “Sometimes we’ll go to a local restaurant for dinner but usually, he makes salmon on the grill, and we have a light dinner while we watch football all day. That’s also when I put together my Christmas cards. Around here, Thanksgiving is just a Thursday in November and not much more.”

For Cathleen M., in Pennsylvania, the answer wasn’t opting out of tradition but building a new one entirely.

She and her sister started their own non-turkey traditions long ago when her sister’s kids were growing up, and their parents lived in Florida. “Ours involved Friendsgiving potlucks with dancing, singing and making a big mess, experimenting with some recipe in the kitchen.”

Now, her mom lives close again and wants to recreate those childhood Thanksgivings where “the women killed themselves all day cooking the same old stuff while the men drank, blabbed and watched football. I used to get in trouble for trying to sneak off with the guys, who were having way more fun. They’d stuff themselves and flop in front of the TV again while we cleaned up. That struck me as a bad situation even then.”

A few women found their new tradition somewhere entirely outside the house.

Marceil M., in Florida, recently started going to a local lodge near the springs for dinner. Afterward, they go for a boat ride. “It’s the most fun and relaxing Thanksgiving any of us have ever had.”

And then there are those who never had a “traditional” Thanksgiving to rebel against in the first place.

Teresa M., in Florida, says she did not grow up with traditional Thanksgivings. “We did not live near extended family and my mother’s attitude was ‘what kind of holiday is it if you have to cook,’ so we just ate whatever. My favorite Thanksgiving meal was frozen pizza, which was a treat in those days.”

“Since the pandemic, I have sometimes pretended I had somewhere to go but just stayed home by myself and took a day off. Last year, I volunteered at a church’s community dinner, which I enjoyed. I have in the past done potlucks with friends.”

It’s not just women rewriting the rules, either.

One man weighed in too. Craig G., from Louisiana, reported that since he split from his wife he decided to be done with Thanksgiving. While his daughters are with their mom on the day of, he takes them camping in Florida for the weekend after Thanksgiving.

“I call it ‘Beachgiving.’ We just chill and enjoy each other’s company. This will be the third year: tacos, beer for me and zero stress,” he says.

“Traditional Thanksgiving is such a hassle, and people spend more time cooking and prepping than they do just being together. I can’t count how many holidays I barely even saw my parents because they were in the kitchen for 18 hours straight. I’d rather just have pizza, a beer and chat. The focus should be on each other, not on some dish your great-great-grandmother cooked in 1912 and that you now feel obligated to make.”

Maybe that’s the real lesson. My daughter and I didn’t need the cleaning, the cooking or the stress — just each other’s company and a good time. Turns out you don’t need a traditional Thanksgiving to make a memory. You just need the people you want to spend it with and the guts to skip the rest.

Can any of you relate? Let us know in the comments below.