Single Women Reveal How They’re Meeting Men

It seems the world of dating is taking a step back to the good ole’ days. You know, the days when a guy would scribble his number on a bar napkin instead of swiping right? Online dating had its moment, but it’s a trend a lot of us are stepping away from — and who can blame us?

Can you really feel attraction through a screen, anyway? Bumble, Hinge, and Tinder will probably always be around, and they may even keep up with the times as best they can. But the truth is, nothing says butterflies like getting an unexpected drink from the stranger across the bar or a quintessential “Is this seat taken?” So, as we make strides to connect IRL (as the teens say), where and how are we meeting people? Here are some tips from women who no longer swipe:

Be Inviting

“I’ve never done online dating and I absolutely love meeting people in person, although now I’m coupled up. We met at a nude art show in a local dive bar. He was sitting across the bar and kept looking at me; eventually I beckoned him over with my finger and a smile. It was the little nudge he needed to actually do something. Prior to meeting him, I did things like eat alone at a bar one night a week, carry a book that someone could comment on, or wear a statement piece of jewelry or carry a unique bag. Once upon a time, I had a flip phone long past the time everyone else did, and people would always come up to me to comment on it. It provided a great segue into, ‘Do you want to exchange numbers?’” — Camilla, 38, Washington, DC

Just Show Up

“I gave up on [dating] apps because it took too much vetting, and it was easy for men to hide their red flags for too long. Lots of frogs. I met my current partner (3.5 years) when I saw his post about DJing at a nearby bar. I moved to a town where I knew no one, and this bar was about 15 minutes away. I went solo. I can talk to anyone, so I grabbed a drink, introduced myself to folks, and approached him to say I was inspired to come by his post. We had a nice conversation, and I left after a couple of hours. After attending the event a couple more times, he asked me out, and we’ve been dating ever since.” — April, 55, California

Don’t Look for Love

“I became a mom at 19 and got married at 21, remaining married for almost 17 years. When I found myself entering the adult dating world, I’ll admit, it was intimidating. I tried a few dating apps, but they never really felt genuine to me. Over the past two years, most of the dates I’ve gone on have been with men I met through local business and social networking groups. I also frequent some of my favorite local cigar bars. I’ve found that the older, more distinguished gentlemen flock there and often enjoy playing spades and dominoes, so I’ll join a game. And when conferences come to town, whether they’re focused on technology, medicine, fraternities, motorcycles, or other industries, I make a point of putting myself in the vicinity of the bars, lounges, and cafes people are frequenting. I’m pretty comfortable walking into a room, introducing myself, and keeping a conversation going with humor, curiosity, and a little bit of playful banter. I’m not necessarily looking for a man. I’m more focused on putting myself in places where I can meet interesting people, make connections, and enjoy life. If something romantic develops naturally from that, even better.” — Stephanie, 41, Oklahoma